I Told

This is another catch up article. This event happened a couple of weeks ago but I have been so busy that I haven’t had time to write.

My friends are the only people that know that I suffer from depression, anxiety, OCD, and trichotillomania. They found out completely by accident a couple of years ago. They have been pretty supportive and helpful during my low periods.

Now that I have moved away though, they encouraged me to tell someone. They decided since I did not feel comfortable telling my parents (my mom would probably tell everyone) that I should tell the aunt and uncle I used to live with during the summer. After all, they are like second parents to me.

I did not understand why anybody needed to know. After all, my friends only found out on accident. But I told my friends that I would attempt to tell them sometime.

Finally, the time came. They saw my fidget spinner and started playing with it. I explained that it was for trichotillomania. Then, I said that I suffer from anxiety and depression. I completely forgot about OCD. Surprisingly, they were very supportive and agreed not to tell my parents. They told me about someone in their family that had depression and were ok with me taking medication and seeing someone.

I immediately told my friends when I finished telling my aunt and uncle and they were very happy for me. It is just one of the many big events that I have experienced this summer where I have had to face my fears.

New Job

My life has been a mess lately. This summer has literally been a disaster and due to all of that, my writing (both my blog and my fiction writing) have been pushed aside. I will try to catch everyone up with my life as I attempt to understand my life and try to put it back together.

I guess the big thing that has happened in my life recently is that I got a job. After applying for over 200 jobs on Indeed, turning down some interviews because I was still teaching this spring, attending a few interviews this summer and getting rejected, I finally found a job. And brace yourselves; it is a teaching job.

I know that I gave teaching up last spring. I had honestly had it with the small town and with my students (even though they were good kids). Three years of teaching was good enough for me.

However, I struggled to find a job. Like I said, I applied for over 200 jobs on Indeed and got very little feedback. In fact, I attended some interviews where they never called me back. I even attended an interview that lasted five minutes. With all the frustration there, I decided to apply to some schools.

I actually had a couple of interviews at schools before I finally got a job in my home state in a large city (not the same city as the amusement park) at a Christian school. Maybe being in a large city will change my opinion of teaching. I actually am pretty excited.

Why Don’t You Smile?

I am in my favorite city working at the amusement park, which I absolutely love, and I am extremely unhappy. I cannot believe that depression would decide to hit during my favorite time of the year. I guess that is what happens after I quit my job with no other job prospects.

The one thing that really annoys me the most, however, is the number of people that tell me to smile. I do smile. I don’t walk around 24 hours a day smiling for no reason though. And I might smile because someone tells me to, but it is not a genuine smile.

People also don’t understand that right now, I am wearing retainers because I just got my braces off. I am not self-conscious. However, they do make smiling a little awkward. When I try to explain that to people, though, they don’t understand.

I was told the other day that it takes three muscles to smile and forty-some muscles to frown. At least I am going to have really strong facial muscles because there is not much in my life worth smiling for at the moment.

Should I Tell?

Now that I am officially done with teaching forever and have moved out of my apartment, it means that I will no longer see my close friends. These friends have been there for me in my darkest moments. I am really going to miss them. We did not agree on everything, but they were a big help with all my mental problems.

Before I left, they told me I need to tell someone that I suffer from depression, ‘just in case’. I am not exactly sure what they mean by that. Besides, it really is no one’s business. The only reason my friends know is because they found out by accident.

They think I should tell my aunt and uncle. I lived with them for three years while I lived in the city and worked at the amusement park. I am in the city again (with the hopes of finding a job here) and working at the amusement park but I no longer live with my aunt and uncle. My friends think that I should use this time to tell them. In fact, they were planning on driving seven hours to help me tell them but my counselor said that this is something that I need to do on my own.

I just can’t tell them. Again, it really is no one’s business. Besides, not everyone is going to understand like my friends did. I would freak out if I knew that someone is a cutter and has had thoughts of suicide. I would think it is weird that someone has no control over pulling out her eyebrows. I know that I am not crazy, but not everyone will agree. And really, what do I expect my aunt and uncle to do if they know?

The Berenstain Bears 5-Minute Inspirational Stories

I grew up reading all of the Berenstain Bear books. It is so great that more books are still being written; this time with a focus on God. The Berenstain Bears 5-Minute Inspirational Stories by Stan and Jan Berenstain with Mike Berenstain contains twelve books that teach different important Christian lessons. In this book, the bears learn lessons about the importance of praying (Say Their Prayers), accepting people that are different (Love Their Neighbors), helping people in times of need (Get Involved), and standing up for yourself even in difficult times (Gift of Courage), just to name a few.

I definitely recommend this book to all young children. With twelve stories, this book will keep kids busy reading about the loveable bears. The messages in each story are very clear and cover topics such as praying, loving others, forgiveness, helping, and standing up for yourself. The characters make several references to the Bible by reciting different verses that relate to the messages and then give explanations about what each of the verses mean. This is a must-read for all young Christians. They will absolutely fall in love with the pictures and the interesting plots.

I received this book free from Book Look Lovers. All ideas are mine.

Almost

I got an exciting email this morning that totally made my day. The email said that one of the manuscripts I sent to a publisher was being considered and that I needed to set up a time to call them. I made the appointment for this afternoon and was so excited and nervous. I had no idea what to expect.

Then, right at the time I needed to make the call, I got an email saying that the appointment had been canceled and that my book was no longer being considered.

I feel very upset and angry right now. I know it just wasn’t part of God’s plans but to be so close and have that taken away from you really hurts. The only way I really know how to respond to these kind of feelings is by cutting. However, I know that is the wrong response.

Why does life have to be so hard and cruel?

Love Letters from God: Bible Stories for a Girl’s Heart

Love Letters from God: Bible Stories for a Girl’s Heart by Glenys Nellist tells the stories of important women in the Bible such as Eve, Hannah, Ester, Mary, and Mary Magdalene, just to name a few. Along with the women’s stories, each page includes a Bible verse and a little letter from God that relates to each lesson taught.

This picture book is perfect for young girls to learn about the heroic women in the Bible. The pictures are very beautiful and colorful. Each female Biblical hero’s story includes a little pop-out letter from God that can be addressed to the reader. The letters relate to the story and then give some advice that is applicable to the young readers. The lessons are very easy to understand and show girls of all ages that they can make an impact in this world just like the women in the Bible did. I highly recommend this book to all young female readers.

I received this book free from Book Look Bloggers. All ideas are my own.

Burned Out Teacher

I am burned out. I am not sure how I am supposed to make it through 3 1/2 more weeks of school. Every day gets longer and longer. I count the hours before it is time to go home. Then, to make things even worse, they went and canceled my only special on Friday. That means that except for lunch, I am with the students all day. I am thinking that I should put in a sub request for the afternoon just so that I can go home and have some time to myself. The bad thing is that I get bored and lonely on the weekends. Do I really want to add some extra time to the weekend?

On My Way to Happiness

I turned in my letter of resignation today. I also told a few people that I was leaving so that they would be prepared when they saw it in the school board minutes tomorrow. To some degree, it has been difficult telling people. It is difficult telling people that I have no job lined up because it is very obvious then that I am leaving because I do not like my job.

It is the truth though. I have been unhappy for awhile. I was stunned last fall when my counselor asked me why I was still a teacher when I did not like it but she asked a very good question. It has not been an easy question to answer though. I am giving up a stable job and everything that is familiar. That has been terrifying. It has also made my mind wrestle back and forth about whether to give up teaching or not.

Finally, I just called my mom and talked to her. The second I told her that I was considering leaving teaching, she told me that she knew I was unhappy. She doesn’t know the half of it since she doesn’t know that I suffer from depression. But, I thought I hid it well. We talked a little and in the end, I knew that I needed to leave. And ever since then, my mind has settled down and there has been no more wrestling about what to do.

I still have five more weeks of school left. And in some ways, it feels like an eternity. But maybe I can go forth a little differently since I know that I am leaving a job that has made me so unhappy.

The Berenstain Bears Bless Our Pets Review

In The Berenstain Bears Bless Our Pets, by Mike Berenstain, all of Bear Country’s pets are invited to church to be blessed. The Bear family takes their dog, cat, fish, and bird to be blessed. At first, everything is going all right. Then, a dog scares one of the cats which starts a chain reaction among all the other animals. In the end, God calms the animals through the preacher and the animals are able to be blessed since they are a gift from God.

I definitely recommend this book for all children. The plot is very interesting since it deals with animals, which most kids love. There are also some funny parts of the story like when it talks about some of the animals the kids bring and also when all of the pets go crazy. The glossy pictures of the animals, as well as the Bear family, are very entertaining and help tell the story. The spiritual message is very clear as well: God created all creatures and we need to thank Him for the gift of pets. This book is a must-read for all fans of The Berenstain Bears.

I received this book from Book Look Bloggers to review. All ideas are mine.