Every time I found out that my mom was pregnant, I would pray for a sister. If I saw the first star of the night, I would wish for a sister. But despite all my prayers and wishes, I never got a sister. I remember one time offering to trade my brother for my female cousin born at about the same time. And another time, after I had been given the news of a new brother, I hid under a blanket and cried.
I am the oldest child in the family. I am the only girl out of several boys. I am not going to say how many brothers I do have because I want to write anonymously and I do not want anyone figuring out who I am based on little clues.
The number of my brothers has always been a touchy subject with me. But it is nothing that I can control. Unfortunately, people do not leave me alone about it. I remember walking in the parade when I was younger and the parade announcer making fun of me. And whenever people find out how many brothers I have, they always have some comment to make. I am usually asked how I survive. Like I had another option.
It is difficult being the only girl in a family of boys. I often feel alone. I feel like an only child because my brothers have had opportunities that I never had and never will. My mom tells me I am lucky because I have my own room and rarely have to share my things. But sometimes, I do want to do those things.
I would have loved to share my room because than I could stay up late and tell secrets to my sister. Instead, I shut the light off at night and go right to bed. I feel very lonely as I hear my brothers talking in their rooms.
And sometimes, I want to share my things. It is hard to share books and toys and games with a bunch of boys that do not like girl things. Sometimes, growing up, I could get them to play Barbies or Pretty Pretty Princess but not very often. And when we did those things, we had to make the games more masculine, like when we played demolition derby with my Barbie car.
I also could not really share my movies with my brothers. They would sometimes watch princess movies or Twilight but usually, they were only willing to watch those movies once. They never wanted to watch those movies for movie night.
Even though I have grown up and do not play with toys and now like grown up movies, it is still difficult not having a sister. I do not have anyone to talk about clothes or earrings. There is no one to paint nails with or talk about boys or to ask for advice.
Even though I love my brothers and would not trade any of them, I still wish for a sister. Though now, it is too late to grow up and make childhood memories with a sister.