I have always been a very independent person and thought that I would be all right if I did not have any friends. I was proved wrong in college and again recently. Lately, I feel like my life is like the song sung in the ending credits of Phantom of the Opera. “Learn to Be Lonely,” seems to reflect my life.
I have never been the most social person. In high school, I had a few close friends that drifted away when I went to college. It took me several months in college to find some new friends but eventually I drew close to some people that were my friends until I graduated. After I graduated, I only stayed close with one person but still, we only talk on the phone every few weeks. The others I only talk to occasionally on Facebook.
Over the last year, I have realized how lonely I am. When I was living with my parents last year, I felt like my only companions were my family. It is even worse now that I am on my own and live over four hours away from my family and my remaining friend from college. I have made one friend at school but she has a life of her own so we do not hang out all the time.
My loneliness causes me to spend a lot of time eating, watching movies and shows, and time on the internet. I long for people to interact with me on Facebook or call me or send me mail. Instead, about the only companionship I get are from people that like my writing or blogs online.
There are days, especially on weekends when I long for someone to have a serious conversation with. I long for someone’s touch and care. I just want people to acknowledge that they know I am there and that they care about what is going on with me.
I also have been longing for a pet. I have fish and hermit crabs but I long for something fluffy that will show its love for me in ways that my fish and crabs cannot. I long for a cat that will sit with me and purr or something that will rub my face.
In this small town where there are very few people my age and I am far from my family, I guess I had better learn to be lonely, because there is no one out there for me.