I look over at the alarm clock. Morning is quickly approaching but I cannot fall back asleep. Sure enough, the alarm clock goes off way too soon. I hit snooze to delay starting the morning.
Depression is taking over without my permission. The marks on my wrist are a reminder of what I have already been through. I really do not want to go through it all again. I would love to call in sick to work.
Eventually, I have to get out of bed so that I can go to work. I would rather stay in bed where it is safe. Work can be cruel.
I get through the day with mostly fake smiles and a rare real one. I count down the hours until it is time to leave, wishing for the day to go faster.
I finally get to go home and I enjoy a few hours of freedom and forget all about my awful day. But the feeling only last a few hours because then I start processing the events of the day and looking at all the mistakes I have made. And then I think about how I will have to do it all again tomorrow.
I spend the night struggling to concentrate. I mostly flip back and fourth from different websites, unable to settle on one site or activity. I am all wrapped up in a blanket for the security that life will be all right (someday). Eventually, I begin eating because I am so lonely. Food fills the emptiness and makes me feel better.
Eventually, I go to bed to start the cycle all all over again.