I often find myself wanting to go back in time; back to a time when I was happy and life was much simpler. For awhile, I wanted to go back to the time when I was in college. I have some great memories of hanging out with my friends. Plus, I had the freedom to be an adult but not all the responsibility. But then I remembered the time in college when I was seriously depressed and thought about ending my life.
Then, there was the time I thought I would go back to high school. I see all these high school kids at high school every day and they look so free and carefree. They do not have many responsibilities and they have a happiness that I want. But I was not happy in high school. That is a time that I definitely would not choose to repeat. I found out that I had depression when I was in high school. Plus, I really did not fit in very well during high school. I was a nerd and the people I called friends were not afraid to let me know it. Plus, I was not really happy with my mean English teacher and the fact that I had to live according to my parents’ rules.
Lately, I have found myself wishing I was back to being a little kid. As a kid, I would not have all the responsibility of an adult. I would have to live according to my parents’ rules but really, that is small potatoes compared to life as an adult. Plus, as a kid, my only expectations are really only get good grades and be nice to people. As a kid, I could play all day.
But of course, I am an adult and nothing can change that. I am where I am right now because that is where God wants me. So no matter how much I complain, I am expected to live according to God’s plans for me.