Lately, I have been seeing a lot of posts about holiday depression. In fact, I was going to write about the phenomena because I was having trouble understanding it. For me, depression has never been seasonal. My depression does not care about the time of year and I was having trouble understanding why people could be more depressed this time of the year. After all, this is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year. How could anyone feel depressed? In fact, I am usually a little happier this time of year. But then tonight, I finally got it. I understand why people feel depressed this time of year.
Today has not been a very good day for me. I have enjoyed being at home with my family and I am not looking forward to going back to my classroom tomorrow. That is not what has me down though. After a great break, I was feeling on top of the world (except for the part about going to work tomorrow). But that all changed when I started decorating my Christmas tree.
This will be my first Christmas on my own. I bought a Christmas tree this weekend and when I pulled it out of the box, I was immediately disappointed. The tree on the box looks tall and full. I can see through all the branches on my tree. It is a skinny thing. As I started decorating it, I felt even more down. Decorating the tree was always something special for my family. And I had to do it all alone. No one will even be around to admire my tree except me. Basically, I am going to get to spend the next three weeks of Christmas anticipation alone. But at least I have someone to spend Christmas. Some people have nobody.
Because of my Christmas loneliness and other holiday problems, I ended up cutting tonight.