Does Anyone Know that I Exist?

Growing up, I always thought that I really did not need friends. I had friends and we were pretty close but I knew that I would also be ok without them. Then, when I got to college and had no friends, I realized that I was wrong. I was a shy person and was having trouble finding friends. I prayed every night for friends and finally in November of my freshmen year, some friends came into my life.

After I graduated, I lost contact with a lot of my college friends. I guess it really did not bother me that much though. I was living with my family. Occasionally, I would talk to my friend on the phone and we would hang out every once in awhile. That was enough for me though.

And then this summer, I moved four hours from home into my own apartment in the middle of no where. Suddenly, I had no friends and no family and loneliness took on new meaning. I am close to one of the teachers at school but that is about it for friends.

Every night, I watch movies all by myself. I do enjoy watching TV but when you do it all by yourself, it is no longer enjoyable. Comedy is not funny and afterwards, there is no one to talk it over with. Often, I miss most of the movie as I get on Facebook and my blog, hoping for just a little contact from someone.

Weekends are the worse. There are days when the only person I talk to is at the grocery store when I am getting my weekly groceries. And on Sunday, I get to talk to people at church for an hour. Last week, church was cancelled because of the weather so I had no one to talk to all day.

It is days like today when I wish that I had a cat. I have hermit crabs and fish but they do not like for me to get too close. Besides, they cannot show their love like a cat can.

Weekends stretch on with only loneliness as my companion. Tears are falling from my eyes right now as I wish for just a little companionship. I would do anything for some kind of contact. I would take a phone call or email or Facebook message. I just want to know that someone knows that I exist.


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