Everything is Going to Be Alright, but When?

I may be a cutter but I never cut deep enough to make the cuts bleed. I leave large red marks that will usually turn into red scratches over night. I can usually pass off them as cat scratches.

I cut the other day, worse than usual. Since it has been cold, I worse sweaters for the last two days. I figured I would be ok tomorrow. I figured I had better be because I only have two sweaters that I usually wear. I have more but I do not really like to wear them.

But then I got home from school today to discover my fish missing an eye and slowly dying. It sure did not take long. What upsets me most is that he was just a baby.

I just hate my life so much that I took out my problems on my wrist. For the first time, I have bled. There is no way I will be able to wear short sleeves tomorrow.

No, I did not just cut because of my fish. I just am going through a rough time right now. And it is not like my students are helping much. Their behavior has been horrible lately.

I just want to go home. I am tired of living in the middle of no where with no family and few friends. I just want someone to hug me and tell me that everything is going to be all right and then make it all right. I want to be surrounded by people who actually care about me.

There has always been a saying that I use when I am feeling particularly depressed: Everything is going to be alright; maybe not today, but someday. I just want to know when that is going to happen.


One thought on “Everything is Going to Be Alright, but When?

  1. I want to let you know that it will be okay. I understand what it’s like to feel as though nobody cares. More people care than you realize, you just can’t see it, and that’s okay. It’s okay to go through a tough time, we all do.
    Find an activity you like (working out, writing, cooking, watching tv… anything). Try that next time you want to cut. It’s hard to do, I know, but it’s possible.


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