A year ago, I was praying every night, asking God to provide me with a teaching job. I was willing to go anywhere for a job. I had been out of college for over a year and I was tired of the application process. I was tired of living at home with my parents. I was ready to make something of my life.
A year later, and I feel like I am being unappreciative of the gift that God gave me. I hate the town where I am living and my students have no respect. I am trying to have a positive attitude about this place. I usually am a positive person when I am not dealing with depression. I keep trying to tell myself that the people in this community are very nice and that the town is much safer than the city where I had been living during the summer. And as bad as my kids are, I try to reassure myself that it is ok because at least I have a job.
But still, I am having trouble staying positive. School has only been back for three weeks since Christmas and already, I took a day off. Every day, I have to force myself to eat breakfast because I was so worried about going to school that I feel like I am going to be sick. And I am counting down until I can leave this town for the summer.
I feel horrible. God brought me here and I just hate it so much. I am questioning God’s plans.