I know that I often talk about how it ‘was one of those weeks.’ This week was no exception. I am just tired of it all. I keep waiting for a break. I keep waiting for just one really good day. I keep waiting for everything to be all right. I know some people are going to tell me that I just need to have a positive attitude but mental illness does not care about positivity.
I wrote that on Sunday I contacted the Samaritans through email because I was having thoughts of suicide. The reply did help me feel a little better. I felt like someone actually cared.
I was feeling a little better on Monday (I was no longer feeling suicidal anyway). But my students did not help. They were horrible both Monday and Tuesday. Lately, I feel like all I ever do is discipline.
Another teacher suggested I take Wednesday off and go with her shopping. I was totally for that because I have hardly used any personal days and I really needed a break. But the personal day turned into one major headache (literally) because nobody was available or wanted to sub for my class. Eventually, someone was found.
I got absolutely no sleep Tuesday night/Wednesday morning. That is pretty normal because of all my problems but I figured since I was not going to school on Wednesday, I would be fine.
Wednesday, I had a headache all morning and part of the afternoon. I was just so stressed even on my day off. I just knew that I was going to have a pile of work waiting for me when I got back. That is why I went to the school late that afternoon and grabbed textbooks and papers so that I could get my grading and lesson plans done.
Thursday, my students were surprisingly well-behaved. And yesterday, we hardly had class at all because it was the school spelling bee day.
It was after the spelling bee that caused me stress. I had a student that did not get picked up and finally, the principal had to be called. I was extremely angry because it was after four and as a teacher, I am allowed to leave at three thirty on Fridays.
After this crazy week, I was ready for the weekend. I thought about going home but then decided against it because we have a three day weekend coming up in two weeks (I am just not sure if I can make it until then). So now I am stuck in my apartment all weekend alone with only the idea of chores to keep me busy.