I am three weeks clean from cutting. It has not been an easy three weeks and I know that it is not going to get any easier the next few weeks. On days when I did not want to cut, I felt like I had been a year without cutting. And on the days when I really wanted to cut, I felt like I had only made it a couple of days and that it did not matter if I cut once more. Today is one of those days.
The thing is, three weeks is not a record for me. I have made it about four months on two or three different occasions; always feeling bad when I broke down and cut. Then, last July, I moved into this tiny town and started a new job. With all the changes in my life, I resumed cutting without any regrets. These last three weeks have been a roller coaster as I try to deal with life in a more positive way.
I pray that I will not break my new record of three weeks tonight as I try to deal with today’s events.