I was not having a good night last night. I wanted to cut so badly. I had made a promise to myself that I would not cut but the promise did not really mean much to me last night. All I really wanted was to feel in control of my problems. I knew I would feel better if I cut. Knowing that people cared about my actions and knowing that they would be upset if I had a breakdown, got me through the night.
It definitely was not easy. I was so tempted to just go grab my scissors. I finally took a risk, went into the office where I keep both my scissors and highlighters, and used a highlighter to make several colored marks on my wrist. I had read about using markers instead of cutting online. I knew it would not really help but at least I was doing something. I decided that if the temptation got to be even worse, I would just take my scissors out to my car that way I would not be anywhere near them.
Eventually, I was able to distract myself with writing and that really helped.
I want to thank you for the encouragement and care though. I could not have gotten through last night without help.