The Faded Scars

I became a cutter about three years ago. It did not happen overnight. In fact, the idea actually crossed my mind several months before I started but I tried to forget that I had ever had the thought. But after being severely depressed for quite awhile, cutting seemed like a good way to deal with my life. At least it was better than suicide, right?

But once I decided to stop, that was a different story. I had no idea when I started that cutting was an addiction. Currently, I am four and a half weeks clean. It has not been an easy month and I do not expect it to get easy in the immediate future.

Right now, I still have a couple faint marks; remnants from a rough night four and a half weeks ago. They are barely visible, even in the right light and I know that by this summer, they will disappear completely. But for now, the marks stand as a reminder of the past self that I am eager to get away from as well as the future self that will no longer have to deal with life by cutting. My new future self does not have to worry about hiding the cuts!

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3 thoughts on “The Faded Scars

  1. First of all, I’m very proud of you! You seem very determined to be done for good.
    Second, you’re right that it won’t get easier right away. When will it get easier? I have no clue, trying to figure that out myself. I think it takes time for us to develop healthy automatic responses to whatever would make us cut. The only way to develop these responses is by choosing a healthy coping method whenever the urge arises. I kind of wonder it will take us the length of time we’ve cut to implement these automatic responses. Anyway, it is possible to never have urges again!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m been reading a lot of your stuff. Obviously, you’re you…but your human-ness looks a lot like me…or many people I know. You are familiar to me…

    My oldest sister used to mirror back my words to me…”I’m depressed. I’m sad. I’m lonely.” I hated when she did that, but it was very helpful. It would have driven me nuts to have to listen to someone who stewed in their juices like I did…and repeated same-old, same-old, same-old…

    You really ARE a lovely writer. It’s very good that you’ve laid the groundwork of your path, to date. We need to know who you really are…to really appreciate where you’re about to go! Because, girl, you need to move into…newness.

    A fluffy pet? Sounds FABULOUS! I’d like to hear about THAT! Even though I’m surrounding by my own family, there was a time in all the struggles and transitions that I needed a dog for MY mental health. I needed to have something to love and care for…that would stop me from overdosing on going inward.

    Come see my About page…see me dog.

    Come visit me. It’s time for you to poke around…and smile. Lay down any perfectionism…or we’ll crack under the pressure. We just ain’t as perfect as we’d like to look.

    There. Your turn. I don’t do a LOT of reciprocity, but a little is good for blood flow:)

    Like

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