I was doing all right yesterday despite it being a weekend. Usually I am very lonely on weekends. Then, out of nowhere, I just wanted to die. Now, this is not the first time I have thought about suicide. I was having frequent thoughts of suicide in college and actually had a plan. And I have actually thought about death a lot in the last year, but it has never been that sincere. I hate my life but I know that life will be better once it is summer. But yesterday was different. I no longer cared about making it to summer. I just wanted it all to be over right away.
I got online and typed in that I was having thoughts of suicide. There are actually a lot of websites out there that offer advice such as thinking about it for a day or the obvious, call for help. I was most surprised about the one where you can email someone from Samaritans and they will respond. So that is actually what I did.
I sent an email to email@example.com which is completely anonymous. I felt better after writing about my problems about teaching and hating my life, and they responded. I was told to try to find something positive to get me through until summer (I really am thinking but have yet to find anything in my life that will legitimately help me).
At one point in my life, I never would have thought that I was capable of suicide. Of course, I never thought I was capable of cutting either and now look at me. I am glad that I sent the email. Even though I am only feeling a little better than I did yesterday, I know that I will never regret being alive.