Another Week

I know that I often talk about how it ‘was one of those weeks.’ This week was no exception. I am just tired of it all. I keep waiting for a break. I keep waiting for just one really good day. I keep waiting for everything to be all right. I know some people are going to tell me that I just need to have a positive attitude but mental illness does not care about positivity.

I wrote that on Sunday I contacted the Samaritans through email because I was having thoughts of suicide. The reply did help me feel a little better. I felt like someone actually cared.

I was feeling a little better on Monday (I was no longer feeling suicidal anyway). But my students did not help. They were horrible both Monday and Tuesday. Lately, I feel like all I ever do is discipline.

Another teacher suggested I take Wednesday off and go with her shopping. I was totally for that because I have hardly used any personal days and I really needed a break. But the personal day turned into one major headache (literally) because nobody was available or wanted to sub for my class. Eventually, someone was found.

I got absolutely no sleep Tuesday night/Wednesday morning. That is pretty normal because of all my problems but I figured since I was not going to school on Wednesday, I would be fine.

Wednesday, I had a headache all morning and part of the afternoon. I was just so stressed even on my day off. I just knew that I was going to have a pile of work waiting for me when I got back. That is why I went to the school late that afternoon and grabbed textbooks and papers so that I could get my grading and lesson plans done.

Thursday, my students were surprisingly well-behaved. And yesterday, we hardly had class at all because it was the school spelling bee day.

It was after the spelling bee that caused me stress. I had a student that did not get picked up and finally, the principal had to be called. I was extremely angry because it was after four and as a teacher, I am allowed to leave at three thirty on Fridays.

After this crazy week, I was ready for the weekend. I thought about going home but then decided against it because we have a three day weekend coming up in two weeks (I am just not sure if I can make it until then). So now I am stuck in my apartment all weekend alone with only the idea of chores to keep me busy.


One thought on “Another Week

  1. “Endurance” is the word that came to mind when I read your post. I’m glad you endured…and are continuing.

    I’ve had some good weeks, but this past one was tough. I did a lot of reading; so many powerful stories of kindness…and suffering (often suffering enmeshed in the stories of kindness…) They followed me in the night until I had to get up early and write. I began to weep, letting go of all of the emotions and concerns I had sponged up in all that reading.

    Then, I knew I needed to step away from everything. There was a family gathering for a 65th birthday (chock full of emotional tension – yet it went well), and now my daughter is in the middle of a 2 night birthday party with her two main friends.

    I don’t do social gatherings well when I’m the hostess.

    But I made it. Now I need to visit my neglected mom.

    I need to submit myself to the things that have been given to me in life.


    Hey! The sun is out here – and though the wind is cold – it smacks of Spring!

    I hope you’re getting a day like this where you are.


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