Do You Really Mean What You Say?

Everyone seems to be glad that I have moved to this community. I am having trouble understanding why though. It is not like I am really giving back to this community. I go to church and occasionally help out with their events but other than that, I attend church and go to school.

People seem worried that I will not stay though. The other day at conferences, many parents wondered whether I would be back next year. And today at the post office, someone I know from the community asked if I would be staying.

If I had the chance, I would pack up my bags and move tonight. I am still looking for a new job for next school year but am having trouble finding something closer to home. For some reason, there does not seem to be very many open jobs this year.

The thing that bothers me is that many people know that I am lonely. That is why I do not get why people want me to stay here. I get asked about being lonely a lot. But nobody feels the need to invite meto hang out with them. It seems like everyone expects it to be some other person’s responsibility. I know it is partly my responsibility too and that is why I got involved in church and choir. But at the same time, there are very few opportunities for me to get out of my apartment and actually be with people.

I hate this town.


2 thoughts on “Do You Really Mean What You Say?

  1. “I hate this town.”

    No…you hate your life…you hate life. You’re going through the motions.

    All those other people are working out their realities as well. Their experiences are all over the map. Like you, like me…every one is making choices.

    Some die slowly, some choose to die quickly (we don’t get to know their experience from that point because it’s not for us to know…) The only One who knows, is God.

    Some, like the butterfly, are learning to die to Self and live to God.

    I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know.

    And, that’s my point. You know…enough. You know enough to make the choice to live. But, will you?

    Sure. You have a burden that is very hard to carry. The burdens of others weigh on you, too. But, the question remains…will you choose to…live? Really live? One little choice at a time?

    To smile – for one who is clinically depressed – may genuinely be too much to ask. What if you did something that you all ready know is something you ARE able to do. Maybe all that really IS, is to “show up.” Can you do that, then?

    Can that become your worship? Not for yourself…or for others…but, to God? True worship? Giving up that corner of your Self, to release it to God?

    You’ve already received word back from God, through people, that THAT would be a good thing! Show up. Keep showing up.

    Can that be your fleece?

    People don’t owe you…anything. But, God…?

    He’s offered you life…now show your gratitude in the simplest God-honoring way…


    Along with the rest of us who are at various stages in our not-what-we-would-have-chosen-journeys…let’s learn to live.

    Eventually, I too, hope to learn how to love others as much as I love me…eyes off me…eyes on others. I don’t do so well there…

    There are billions of stars in the universe…you FEEL like the center of YOUR universe…but…actually, He needs to become the focus of yours.

    He loves you. Really loves you. He will faithfully draw you into right relationship. He is faithfully doing this with the rest of us who choose to…follow…and choose to…live.

    p.s. To be “kind” means to be gentle, patient and long-suffering, etc. To be “kind” also means to be willing to give a “slap upside the head”, when that is the truer…kindness.

    Liked by 1 person

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