Last night, I was feeling suicidal. I know that I have everything to live for (a family that cares about me, a job, a home of my own) but all I could think about was my horrible job and this town that I hate. I just could not see how I could get through the next eight weeks of school (especially since it appears that I will have to return next year due to a lack of job postings closer to my hometown). Death just seemed like a better option. It just seemed like God gave me more than I could handle despite what the Bible says.
I contacted the Samaritans through email, writing about my life. It can take about twelve hours to get a response so I did not get a response before I left for school but I did feel better after writing about my problems and knowing that I would get some advice about my problems.
The Samaritans suggested that I talk to school authorities about my problems. I am not sure how I feel about that. I know that if the principal knew that I was having mental problems, he might be more willing to help. But how would the principal respond if he knew I had mental problems? Could I be refused a contract for next year because I have problems?
Like last time I contacted the Samaritans, I do feel a little better. I am still not 100 percent but I am definitely not to the point I was last night. Plus, I did not cut last night despite what I kept telling myself about how it was better than suicide!