Are you all right? has to be one of the worst questions someone with depression can be asked. With me, I always answer with a lie. Nobody needs or wants to know about the inner struggles of my mind. And the thing is, I was asked that question once on Sunday and twice on Monday by three different people.
I almost broke down and confessed that I was depressed on Sunday. The person actually asked me more than once in the same conversation and if they had asked again, I probably would have broken down and said that I was not. That was the day I wanted nothing more than to cut. I cried several times that day too.
On Monday, I was not feeling any better. I still wanted to cut, I did not want to go to work, and I was still feeling depressed.
Today, I was asked by the two people from yesterday if I was feeling better and I was able to truthfully say that I was indeed feeling a little better. I was feeling a little better. At least the desire to cut had gone away. But I was still feeling depressed and most definitely did not want to come to work.
It is kind of funny how I was asked the question three times in two days. It was almost like they knew that I was depressed. I have had only one person figure out that I was depressed and that was when I was in high school and by a student that had a huge interest in psychology. It makes me feel like I am valued but at the same time, I don’t like people looking too closely at my life.
For the most part, I am feeling better. I have been able to laugh and smile for real today and actually enjoy some conversations. I was able to go about life on a normal speed instead of slowed down. I was actually able to do things because I wanted to rather than forcing myself. I was almost able to sing in the shower.
I only hope that this feeling continues. Depression is not fun. I hate how it controls my life. And obviously, some people are getting suspicious.