Today, I am 16 weeks clean from cutting! I am saying that I have tied my previous record from the first time I went clean. I do not know if it is exact because the first time I quit I was very busy and did not really keep track of the time.
I had a rough time stopping the first time just like I did this time. The first time, I kept giving in and cutting every time I had a bad day. Then, I ended up getting a job away from home and that is what stopped me from cutting. I ended up moving in with my aunt and uncle and did not pack my blade. Plus, I had a really great job and that helped with the depression. But then, four months later, the summer was over and I had to come back home. That is when I cut again. It was very disappointing.
And until this last school year, I only cut every couple months. I really did not want to pick up the habit again. I knew what I was doing was wrong. But once I moved here and got a new job, I looked at cutting as necessary in order to deal with my life. That was a mistake because I quickly picked up the old addiction.
There are days like today when I do not miss cutting. I cannot believe I ever once did like it. I feel like these last few months have been an eternity. But then there are days like yesterday when cutting is all I can think about. Suddenly, these last few months have seemed like a few days that really did not matter.
If it was not for the support I have received from my followers, I never would have made it to this milestone. And unfortunately, the journey is over. The last sixteen weeks have been a roller coaster. I have no idea what the future will hold and whether the desire to cut will ever completely go away. I only hope I continue to have the strength to fight the urge.