16 Weeks Clean!!!

Today, I am 16 weeks clean from cutting! I am saying that I have tied my previous record from the first time I went clean. I do not know if it is exact because the first time I quit I was very busy and did not really keep track of the time.

I had a rough time stopping the first time just like I did this time. The first time, I kept giving in and cutting every time I had a bad day. Then, I ended up getting a job away from home and that is what stopped me from cutting. I ended up moving in with my aunt and uncle and did not pack my blade. Plus, I had a really great job and that helped with the depression. But then, four months later, the summer was over and I had to come back home. That is when I cut again. It was very disappointing.

And until this last school year, I only cut every couple months. I really did not want to pick up the habit again. I knew what I was doing was wrong. But once I moved here and got a new job, I looked at cutting as necessary in order to deal with my life. That was a mistake because I quickly picked up the old addiction.

There are days like today when I do not miss cutting. I cannot believe I ever once did like it. I feel like these last few months have been an eternity. But then there are days like yesterday when cutting is all I can think about. Suddenly, these last few months have seemed like a few days that really did not matter.

If it was not for the support I have received from my followers, I never would have made it to this milestone. And unfortunately, the journey is over. The last sixteen weeks have been a roller coaster. I have no idea what the future will hold and whether the desire to cut will ever completely go away. I only hope I continue to have the strength to fight the urge.

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5 thoughts on “16 Weeks Clean!!!

  1. I’m very proud of you. I hope you’re doing something to celebrate! It’s a great accomplishment.
    You’re right, that journey is over. But a new one begins today. How far do you want to go? It’s up to you. Your life is your journey, one that continues every single day.
    Urges will get less in time because you will start making the connection of using a healthy coping method each time you have a bad day. It’ll take time to create that connection. The more you use your coping methods, the stronger this new connection will become.
    Every day you are getting stronger. I’m so proud of you. Keep it up!

    Like

  2. I love how the Lord helps us to do His will…and even helps us to WANT to do His will.

    I’m grateful for what I heard in this post. I’m so encouraged for you…

    rose/Hiccup/rubble2bubble (hey, at least I do keep showing up, eh?) 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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