Every Sunday night, I eagerly pick up my phone to call my mom for our weekly talk. But then I put the phone down. I am forgetting something. I am forgetting my stress ball. I am the only person I know that has to use a stress ball to make a phone call. But if I don’t have it, I will be missing an eyebrow by the end of the conversation.
I have trichotillomania, hair pulling disorder. I discovered that I tend to pull when I am on the phone so I have recently decided to try having the ball in my hand from the very beginning. My hand often gets sweaty and I am tempted to put it down. But I know what will happen if I do.
I used to like stress balls as a kid. But now, I look at it with resentment. I hate the reason why I have to use it. I hate how I cannot make a phone call like a normal person.
My stress ball fell on the floor tonight right after I had dialed the number. Because my phone was charging, I could not get it. I was actually kind of happy to see my ball out of reach. I did end up pulling a little. I was conscious of my hands most of the time which did help. If I had not put in all that thought, I probably would have done major damage to my eyebrows. I have so much resentment towards my stress ball but obviously I do need it.