Good Bye Amusement Park, Hello Misery

Friday was my last day at the amusement park. I went to my parents’ house Saturday and then left for my apartment yesterday (Monday). I was surprised that I did not cry on Friday. I just love the amusement park and will not be able to return until next May. I have never been happier than when I am working at the amusement park.

I did cry in the car yesterday on my way to my apartment. I could not believe that God was taking me away from my family and dragging me to a place where I am so unhappy. I know that God does not care about my happiness. I know He does not care about whether I am living in the city or in a tiny town. But I thought He would care about family. Instead, He is has brought me back to the middle of nowhere, so far from my family.

Yesterday in the car, all I wanted to do was cut. Good thing I did not have any sharp objects with me otherwise I probably would have done it while I was driving. I have been clean for seven months. It is definitely odd having the desire because I was so happy at the amusement park. The thought never crossed my mind.

I am trying to have a positive attitude about being back but it is definitely not easy. I hated being here last year and this year, I know what I am getting into. I was so upset last night that I almost cut. Seven months suddenly meant nothing to me. The only thing that stopped me is the thought that God would be disappointed in me for giving in to sin.

I know that God has plans for me here but why couldn’t He consult with me before He made those plans? Because this is definitely not where I want to be. I want to be closer to my family in a town that is much bigger than this one.

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