I have been out of school since December of 2012. Even though my teaching certificate does not expire until 2017, I knew that I needed to get going and take a class to renew my teaching certificate. Some people suggested that I take summer classes but I knew that would not work for me. During the summer I have my amusement park job. And I am not giving that up for anything. That job is what has kept me living when the depression got tough. Knowing that I would one day return to my job kept me going.
I looked into different endorsements and master classes but could not decide what to do. I really did not want to go back to school. Last time I was in school, I was so severely depressed that I wanted to kill myself. That was at the time that I became a cutter.
I knew that I would not be able to handle going back to school and working at the same time. I could not handle it in college and knew that I would not be able to handle it now. That is when I read about self-paced classes. I did the research and decided that I could probably handle a self-paced class. I could work when I had free time and not really have any deadlines.
The other night, I did some thinking about my self-paced class. I was kind of looking down at myself. I graduated as valedictorian in high school. In college, I graduated summa cum laude and gave the commencement address. And here I was, not going for my masters. People might look down at me too, but I know why I am doing it. I am taking a self-paced class because that is all my mental health will allow. And isn’t a self-paced class and life better than a masters, suicide, and cutting?