On Thursday, the church was having training to run the soundboard at five o’clock. I really did not want to go. I knew I did not want to go a few days before that. I did not want to go because I am always exhausted after school. When I get home, all I want to do is relax and write. I want to put on my pajamas and do things that I enjoy.
I hoped to forget about the training. But the more I tried to forget, the more I remembered. But it had not been a good day at school. And I used that excuse to stay home and relax.
The next day, one of the teachers asked me why I did not go to training. She has been telling me ever since I came back after the summer that I needed to get trained so that I can run the soundboard. But I have not been very thrilled about the idea.
Since I want out of this town so badly, I am really avoiding things like the training because I believe that after less than a year, it will have been worthless. I think it is a waste of time to invest training in me when I will be of very little help. I know that is the wrong attitude to have though because I am still here for several more months. Plus, maybe the training will help me wherever I end up next.
I just do not want to commit to soundboard training. What happens if I end up on the list and then all of a sudden the Sunday I am supposed to run it, I want to go home. That sometimes happens where I want nothing more than to go home. With very little warning, I am out of here. I do not want to be committed to something and then not be able to fulfill my need to go home.