I Admitted I Have Problems

I almost passed out at school today. It is nothing new. I have experienced episodes of low blood sugar before. It comes on so quickly and I usually ignore the warning signs and think they are something else. I ended up having to leave school early because I was not feeling that great. And then my teacher friend insisted that I visit the doctor and that she would drive me. I really did not want to go but she insisted.

Once there, the doctor said my episodes were probably related to my anxiety problems. He decided to up my Zoloft.

When I got done, of course my friend wanted to know what was the problem. And that is when I revealed that I have anxiety and depression. Of course the news startled her. I have hidden my depression from almost everyone. I do not want people to know that I have mood problems and have thoughts of suicide. And even though I am almost nine months clean from cutting, I admitted that I was a cutter. My friend could not believe it. Especially since she knew me last spring when all of these suicidal thoughts were around. I had hid it pretty badly I thought. But apparently she never realized nothing was wrong.

I was kind of scared to tell my friend all of these things. I have never told anyone before that I am a cutter. I have told no one other than my doctor that I have had thoughts of suicide.

I never would have thought that I would tell this particular friend about my problems because her husband is a psychiatrist. But after telling her, I do feel a little better. And really, she is on my side. She knows I am not crazy. She understands that I cannot control my brain. If I could, I would.

It has been a crazy few months. Not only have I gotten for help for my problems, I have also told someone that I have major problems.


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