My friends know about my problems with depression and anxiety. I never thought I would want people to know about my problems. However, it is nice to be able to talk to someone about how I am feeling. However, other times, it is extremely difficult. Especially when I cannot answer their questions.
I do not know why I am depressed. I had a happy childhood. My brain is just messed up. I like to think that my brain just never learned how to process the world. It is like my brain is a computer that has the wrong software installed on it. It just gets really frustrating occasionally when my friends asked me questions about my depression or try to offer me advice. I know they care and that they are just trying to help but I know they do not really understand. How can they understand when I do not even understand myself?
The same thing goes for when I cut myself. I know cutting is stupid. I know it is wrong. However, like I said, my brain never learned how to process the world. Cutting is one way that my brain has figured out how to deal with life. But it is also something that my friends do not understand. I knew someone in high school that cut and I did not understand either until I became a cutter myself. It would be nice though if my friends understand why I cut and what I am feeling when I do so. It would be nice if they understood the addiction part of it too and how difficult it is to stop.
Finally, the last thing my friends don’t understand is my trichotillomania. I pull out my eyebrows. It is something I really have no control over. It is difficult to stop. One of my friends has offered advice but it has not really helped (I recently got a spinner ring so I am hoping that helps). It would be nice if my friends understood what I am feeling when I pull and how difficult it is to control.
It is just difficult when I do not understand myself and then other people try to understand me.