Ending Counseling

I mentioned a couple of week ago that I was not sure that counseling was working for me and I was not sure if I wanted to continue. And if I chose not to continue, I was not sure how I would tell my counselor that I wanted to be done. I had a little time to think about the decision because I would not have counseling the week after Easter.

I had not even had a chance to think about it or practice what I would say (if I decided I was done) when the secretary called me to set up my next appointment. I was in the car, driving home for Easter break so I was having a difficult time hearing her over the noise of my radio and the traffic. I was not ready for anything so I tried to continue the conversation as best I could. The secretary figured out I was driving and said she would call me another time. She has yet to call me.

This morning, I made up my mind. I am done with counseling. I could not remember if the secretary wanted me to come in tomorrow or a week from tomorrow since she had never called me back. I knew that I needed to take care of it though.

Even though I knew I was not going about it the right away, I called the counseling office and left a voice mail saying that I wanted to cancel my next appointment and not reschedule. I knew what I was doing when I called on a Sunday morning. I did not want to talk to anyone.

I know that I really should have called in person. I can make excuses about how difficult it is to explain my feelings and talk on the phone to justify what I did but I do not need to explain myself. I handled the situation the best I could.

I thank everyone that encouraged me to try counseling and for helping me when I was having trouble deciding whether I should continue or not. I have no regrets trying it. However, I feel like I have gained nothing since going. I never expected a cure to my mental problems. I did expect help in managing my depression, social anxiety, and OCD rituals though. I wanted help controlling the urge to hurt myself and hoped that I would no longer want to kill myself. I know that is a lot to expect and I did not expect it to happen overnight but unfortunately, I felt like my counselor and I ever got there. And with my difficulties in speaking my mind and being open, we probably never would have gotten there.

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One thought on “Ending Counseling

  1. There’s nothing wrong in calling like you did, on a Sunday morning. If they want to talk to you about your decision, they’ll call you. Also, don’t be afraid to try counseling again with another counselor. All counselors are different, and the things that you wanted to accomplish are definitely accomplishable with the right counselor.

    Liked by 1 person

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