A Horrible Mistake

I just did something really horrible. I belong to an OCD and anxiety group on Facebook. I got on the page and wrote about how much I love my amusement park job but how it causes me great anxiety. I wrote how I have requested mostly 9-5 shifts instead of 12-close shifts because of my anxiety. I also mentioned that this job has kept me going. Really, I was referring to not committing suicide. And it is a good thing that I did not mention suicide specifically because I accidentally posted this on my own personal Facebook page. I did not realize what I had done until somebody messaged me and said that they would be praying for me. I guess I appreciate the prayers but I am so embarrassed. The person that saw it is a teacher and I won’t have to see her until August. She is very nosy and will tell everybody. But at least I did not mention my OCD, depression, or trichotillomania. If she asks questions, I can just say that there were times when work at the amusement park was stressful. There are days when all the employees are very stressed because of something going on at the park. I just cannot believe I did it though.


Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of the one who is in authority?

Romans 13:1-3

There is an amusement park employee that none of the managers or assistant managers want to deal with. He was assigned a new ride in 2014 and it has been the only ride he has operated since then. A lot of people wonder how a person could only want to work the same ride everyday. Normally, after one week, employees are assigned a new ride. Everyday though, going on with his third summer, he operates the same ride. It would not be so bad if he did not feel like he owned it. Only managers and assistant managers are supposed to train but he is constantly getting after the people we train as assistants and most of the time, we argue about going to the ride because we know that the guy is going to speak over us. However, he is not much of a trainer as he is a talker. As a teacher, I know that you cannot just talk; you also have to demonstrate.

For some reason, someone that is higher up than the managers is letting this kind of behavior continue so it does no good for us to complain. But something he did the other day really annoyed me.

A manager asked me to go to that particular ride so that he could call me on the phone instead of over my radio. Once I got the information from the manager, I relayed it to the employees at that particular ride. And the operator decided to argue with me about the information even though he knows that that information did not come from me since it is something that only managers handle. He may ‘own’ the ride, but I am higher up than him.

I usually look at the other employees as my equals. But when it comes to certain decisions, they know that they need to ask me and trust my judgement. But when it comes to this guy, I have lost my patience. It is not like I am asking for major things. I just want him to recognize that there are times when he needs to respect me because I am one in authority.

My First Kiss?

Today, I went and got something for another employee. After I gave it to him, he held out his hand. I thought maybe he wanted to shake my hand or give a high five. Sometimes the people that work at the amusement park are very interesting. However, he took my hand and gently kissed it.

I walked away stunned. I am still not sure how I feel. I know that I never want to get married. My parents never made it look that appealing. And, I am a loner (sometimes by choice, sometimes not) and do not think I would be able to handle being married. I also know that I do not want kids. I like kids but once they start crying or get sick I no longer want to deal with them. However, it did make me feel kind of good despite me having problems with germs.

Yesterday, the guy was wearing a straw hat and he took it off and bowed to me. I thought it was rather unusual but I thought he was playing. After all, most of the time when he sees me he will sneak up behind me or do other jokes.

I know that I am at least seven years older than him though so hopefully he is just having some fun acting like a perfect gentleman. Most girls would kill for someone like that. And he does make me feel a little special.

I Need to Cut

All I really want to do right now is cut. It was a rough day at work and I know I would feel better. I cut a pair of kid scissors to cut but those scissors are back in my apartment. I thought about bringing them with me when I came to the amusement park but then I thought about it. I knew it was wrong to bring a pair of scissors just so I could cut with them. I knew that by not packing them, I would be better off and maybe I would be able to break the habit.

Right now, the scissors are calling my name. However, in my camper, I do not have kid scissors. I have adult scissors. I am actually kind of scared to use them against my skin. Plus, I do not know what I would say to my coworkers if I showed up at work with cuts all over my arms. I guess I could use bandaids like I did when I first arrived. At that time though, it was cold and I was wearing a sweatshirt. My coworkers like to joke around and even if I covered them with bandaids, their minds would probably jump to cutting.

Why does life have to be so complicated? Why can’t there be a better solution than cutting?

Adopting a Cat

My cat is having a very difficult time living in a camper this summer. I am gone mostly from 9-5 and he gets bored. When I come home, I can hear him crying. And when I am home, all he does is cry because he wants to go outside. He gets to go out once in the morning and once at night.

I have been considering getting another cat to keep him company while I am away. It is surprisingly very difficult to find a cat. First, I looked at the classified ads but all I saw were ads for cats that cost 500 dollars. I then turned to Craigs List. I did find a kitten in the area but that person won’t respond to my messages. After that, I started looking at animal shelters. After all, animal shelters are always crowded.

It is astounding the requirements that shelters have. And because of them, I will not be able to adopt a cat even though I am a very caring owner. In order to adopt a pet, you have to have several home visits. Plus, you actually have to have a home or apartment. Since I am living in a camper right now, that is not good enough. If I was in charge of a shelter, I would be willing to let a pet go right away to a good pet lover. But all these restrictions make it too difficult and some pets will never get adopted. It is very sad.

I am out of options. One of my coworkers said she knows of a cat that is about to have kittens but then I would also have to wait until they are weaned. By then, the summer will be over and my cat and I will be going back to my apartment.

Anxiety at the Amusement Park

I absolutely love my job at the amusement park. However, it also causes me great anxiety. It does not help that last year, I had several encounters with unpleasant guests that were very upset that the park was closing and then they could not ride rides anymore.

This year, I decided to ask my boss if I could mostly work the 9-5 shift instead of the 12-closing shift. I still have to have at least one night shift because we all take turns closing down a particular ride. I also have one other night shift. Even though I still find it difficult to handle the night shifts, I will take two of them over anymore. Plus, to make it even easier on me, I was not given the night shift on weekends.

I feel really horrible about asking for the 9-5 shifts though. I feel like instead of dealing with what makes me anxious, I took the easy way out and decided to avoid the problem all together. My friend agrees. I am an assistant manager and my friend says that it will hold me back from getting promoted. I do like being an assistant manager even though it does have stressful moments, but I know that I would not be able to handle being a manager. I know that the stress would get to me.

I really do not know how to feel in this situation: Disappointed in myself, anxious, or happy that I do not have many closing shifts.

Rewarded at the Expense of Others

Yesterday at the amusement park, we had an adult guy that was shorter than the average male. Though he was short, he still looked like he was able to ride most if not all of the thrill rides in the park. However, there was some incident and he ended up complaining about it. It does not sound like he was that innocent either. From what I heard, he flipped somebody off. The guy wanted his money back and the person that talked to him said no. After all, if he was flipping somebody off, he probably was not making the incident any better. However, a person higher up gave him his money back and his family all left the park sometime in the afternoon.

I could not help but be reminded of the time last year when I told a family with a kid in a wheelchair that they could not ride because it was the end of the night and the dad went ballistic. At that time, I immediately thought that the guy felt he was entitled to everything in the world because of his son’s condition. I kind of got that impression yesterday as well.

I am not trying to offend or put down people with disabilities or characteristics that are considered unusual. There are several laws to give these people advantages such as certain parking spaces and wheelchair ramps. We also offer several accommodations in the park. But I believe that there is a time when everybody is equal and must follow the same rules as everyone else.

After all, a person in a wheelchair is not going to get a promotion at work because of the chair. They have to work for it just like everyone else. A person that is blind is not going to graduate college unless they are willing to work for it just like every other student.

I actually feel bad for this family that had to leave yesterday afternoon. I do not know the situation in which the guy was involved but he obviously felt that the best way to resolve it was to ruin his family’s special day. The guy may have been standing up for his rights but it was at his family’s expense. The family was probably having a good time before they left and I am sure they will talk about their favorite rides. Eventually though, the one memory they will have of this trip will be the time their dad threw a temper tantrum and they had to leave early. They will also never be able to return to the park ever again because we will remember them.

Everyone in life has problems. Some are more obvious than others. But we cannot keep making excuses and let our problems define us so that we get special advantages. Because at the end of life, you will h ave to reflect on your decisions and ask yourself whether you made a true impact on the world and accomplished all your dreams. And I hope that a person will not be proud of getting their money back at an amusement park where they will never be able to return to again.

Mental Illness Awareness

*I want to begin by saying that I am not intending to offend anyone.

Lately, I have been thinking about racism and other forms of prejudices. I thought about how there is black history month as well as groups geared towards African Americans. Then, there are different events celebrating LGBT groups. I know that all of these events are to raise awareness and to celebrate their diversity. But it made me wonder how people would respond if some Caucasians or heterosexuals decided to form events that were very similar. Would that be considered reverse racism? I am not going to form groups based on either identity. I understand that some groups are formed because of they are in the minority and they really would like to raise awareness and celebrate their diversity. But then it made me think about mental illness and how it makes me different from the people around me. I know that there are days or months that raise awareness for suicide and depression. However, even though it is a day to raise awareness, it is an event that should have a bigger influence. There are no parades like with LGBT. There are no studies in classrooms about mental illness or famous people that suffer from different mental disorders like there are during black history month. And it can be frustrating because mental illness is already a taboo topic. If we are going to celebrate those days, we need to feel comfortable revealing our problems.

My Life at the Amusement Park

I am loving being back in the city and working at the amusement park. There is just so much that I want to do this summer. I have been going to the library a lot and checking out books and movies. I am not sure if I will be able to finish my wish list before the end of the summer. There are also several nights that I want to go swimming in the campground pool or visit the park on my days off. I also have to squeeze chores into all that too.

I asked my boss to schedule me for mostly day shifts this year. I get extremely anxious if I have to work nights. I am proud of myself for being bold enough to admit that I have a problem as well as to ask for accommodations. However, I also feel a little bad. I feel like maybe I should just have dealt with my anxiety and hope that by working at night will eventually end my anxiety. I already have problems though. I managed to pull out my entire left eyebrow and have to go to work half bald. I sometimes think of myself as a pirate even though I am only missing an eyebrow, not an eye. But on the plus side, I am getting control of my OCD!

I actually found another blog about a worker here. They even work in the same department. I really would like to subscribe to their blog but I am afraid that they might try to subscribe to my account. It would be very obvious if they read my past blogs that I work at the same park. And since I am in management, it would be pretty easy to figure out who I am. I have to remain anonymous so that I can raise awareness for mental illness while giving glory to God. Plus, I really do not want the whole world to know about my problems. So I will just continue reading the blog without commenting.

I did have to laugh at a comment that I saw posted about some people though that visited the park and complained that they were three very intelligent people that were very disappointed that the park closed at a particular time and they did not realize it. If they were extremely intelligent and willing to brag about it in this situation, they would have realized that the closing time was posted on the entrance sign as well as signs all over the entrance gate.

Obesity Epidemic

Overweight people have always been an issue at the amusement park because they do not fit in the seats or we cannot get the safety restraints to lock. There was a time when I got very nervous when a large person got in line. I knew right away that they weren’t going to fit but we had to attempt it. Then, once it was obvious that they couldn’t go, we had to apologize to that person, unlock all the safety restraints, relock, and then recheck them. It is a pain. After awhile though, I got used to turning people away.

This year, obesity is standing out even more to me. I think it began after I saw several members of a family that were all extremely large. I think I also began to notice several older people that could not get around without the use of an electric wheelchair. It really saddened me because these people could not join their family on the rest of the rides. They couldn’t even walk around the park.

The other day, I saw the saddest sight of all. A little girl that was probably three or four came up to a kiddie ride with her extremely large mom and dad. The little girl was about as big around as she was tall. Several other employees saw her and talked about how sad it was and how difficult they had getting her on the rides. I blame the parents because a child that age would not be that heavy if it weren’t for the parents. The same thing is happening to a couple of students of mine. Their mom buys them lots of pop and candy. Not only are they gaining a lot of weight, they are also getting tons of cavities.

Someone in my community decided to lose weight by taking Xyngular. The product did not seem safe to me because anyone that was using the product lost a lot of weight very quickly. I was even more disturbed by a Facebook picture that said that a man lost weight by sitting behind the wheel of a tractor and not dieting. Obviously, once he stops using the product, the weight is going to come back. The only way to lose weight the right way is through diet and exercise. However, this woman that is behind it all is now promoting it like any other party product (jewelry parties, etc…) She is constantly posting challenges on Facebook about losing ten pounds in ten days. The other day she was complaining that she was not going to lose her eight pounds in eight days.

It all seemed too good to be true and very dangerous so I decided to ask the company a few questions. I have included my questions as well as the answers I was given.

My questions:

I have seen many of my Facebook friends using Xyngular and having fantastic results. However, the other day, I saw a post that really disturbed me. A person lost a lot of weight by just sitting behind the wheel of his tractor and doing nothing else. If the guy stops Xyngular, won’t he gain all that weight back because he hasn’t changed his lifestyle? To me, the product doesn’t seem very healthy.

 Also, I have seen reviews of people losing 8-10 pounds a week. I thought it was not healthy to lose more than a pound or two a week. I know that on the Biggest Loser, most contestants lose a ton of weight on the show and then they gain all of it back plus more. Will that happen to a person who takes Xyngular and then stops?
Somewhere I read that the product helps with mental health? Is that true? And how is it different from the antidepressants that I take every day? And what would happen if I stopped taking Xyngular? Would I have to go back to taking medication?
What kind of studies have been done on Xyngular? Have their been any long term studies on the effects of the product?
My last question is that will the product eventually stop helping you lose weight when you reach a healthy body weight? I am the right weight for my height so would there be any  benefits to me using the product?
Their Reply
The product can be so effective that some people can only take the product and not change anything else about their life style and still get great results. This is very rare though. Most people need to change at least a few things about their lifestyle to get results and keep the results. Eating healthy and exercising are the main factors or having a healthy lifestyle.

Some people are able to lose 8-10lbs while on the 8 day Ignite Plan and they just need to continue after that to eat healthy, exercise, drink lots of water, get at least 7-8 hours of sleep every night, etc. to keep those great results and continue to lose weight.

The only studies that have been done are weight loss results on the Weight Loss Plan and on our newest products, Shine and Prime.

the products can help jump start your metabolism and the meal plans provided can help jump start healthy habits. Once someone has reacted their weight loss goal, they still need to continue to life a healthy lifestyle to maintain their healthy weight.