The Summer without Sleep

At the beginning of the summer, I was getting very little sleep. I would wake up and want to take a nap. In fact, if I did not have to be at work early, I would take a nap. I knew that my lack of sleep had to do with the change made in my OCD medication. I took it twice a day, once in the morning and once at night. I contacted my doctor and was told that I could take both in the morning. That relief was just temporary though.

After awhile, I wished for sleep again so I took one pill and only in the morning and then took over a week off from taking even one OCD pill. I knew that I would eventually have to go back to taking my medication but I was just enjoying sleep so much.

I eventually went back to taking one pill and knowing that I only had so long before I would need to take two pills. But before that could happen, I stopped sleeping again.

I have taken a couple of days off from my medication this week but have achieved no sleep. And what is worse is that I have my old obsessions and compulsions coming back. There is no happy medium in this situation.

I contacted my doctor and asked for help and she told me to come in. I am in the city for a couple of more days and then I will be back at home. I  just am at a loss about what to do. I hate OCD but I like to sleep.


Going to the Dentist with Anxiety

I have been experiencing pain in my mouth for the last couple of days and it just wouldn’t go away. I did some research and was not finding any answers. Besides, I could not even tell if the pain was from my jaw or tooth. I finally had it and decided to look into a dentist. I hate going to the dentist. It is also way worse when you have anxiety disorder. It is a good thing I only had a couple of hours before I needed to be there because the longer I have to think about it, the worse my anxiety gets.

I am still in the city for the summer so I did some research and found one close by. I went in yesterday and they could not find any cause for my pain. They finally decided that because my antidepressants cause me to grind my teeth, I probably had a sore jaw and was given some medication. They also said that braces would probably help.

I told them that I had an appointment next week for braces. I wrote about a month ago that I was not sure if I should get braces as an adult or not. I  made a pros and cons list and decided to go through with it once I get back home for the school year. They also said that I should actually get a cleaning too before I get braces.

The cleaning was this morning. I had about twenty four hours to worry about it but I guess that is better than having the appointment scheduled on the calendar months in advance. Surprisingly though, I did not take my anxiety medicine that I can take whenever I am experiencing high anxiety. I just took my regular medication.

Unfortunately, I did have a couple of cavities but I guess that is what I get for not going to the dentist in forever. I guess I have learned my lesson. I also have another reason for getting braces: My teeth are so crooked that it is hard to brush and floss them.

Bad Parents

The other day while I was working at the amusement park, I could not help but notice how many bad parents there are. I can only imagine what their kids will be like as adults.

One dad was breaking the rules while his daughter was on a kiddie ride. He was not even riding but he was causing problems for the ride. I got after him but he did not seem to care. That poor girl is going to grow up thinking that the rules do not apply to her. And if she gets in trouble at school, her parents will probably just ignore it and blame the teacher.

I noticed several parents paying more attention to their cell phone than to their children. That is very sad. If kids cannot get attention from their parents, they will try to get attention another way. That will probably mean that they will get in trouble. And when these kids grow up, they will be just as addicted to their cell phones as well. And of course, these kids will get cell phones at a very young age even though they do not need them.

The next parents show very little responsibility. They let their kids wander around them but really do not pay any attention. I had to get after a small child that had gone over the fence and on to the railroad tracks. The mother did not even notice until I jumped into action. These kids get lost easily and when they are just a little bit older, their parents allow them to wander around the amusement park with their friends. This usually leads to trouble. These kids will probably do stupider things when they get older such as alcohol and drugs because they have never had supervision.

I wrote earlier about our broken world. It will only get worse if parents do not take an interest in their children’s lives and try to be there for them to make a difference.

My Life is Complicated

Actually, I haven’t been doing very well lately.

-Quote I found on Google Images

I actually haven’t been doing that well lately. Last night, I was obsessing over an incident that happened earlier that night. I questioned whether I did the right thing. I had heard from someone that one of the managers was playing Pokemon Go at work so I turned them in. Even though I trusted the person, I regretted reporting the manager because I did not actually witness it myself. I texted my friend with the hope that she would make me feel better but she gave me a rather hurtful response. Afterwards, I think she realized what she had done because her next few messages were more encouraging. However, I found it difficult to sleep.

It was also a very stressful day at work today. It had nothing to do with my report on the manager even though that was addressed. We were short on employees and we were running every where. We were all tired and had to work past lunch time and then there was even more work for us to do. We were all excited when we got to leave.

To make work even more stressful, we are at the busiest time of the year. This is the time of the season when we get lots of guests, it is very hot, and the guests get very rude. We work until late and then are expected to repeat it all the next day. There is no time for us to really take a break and relax and recharge.

To add more to my situation, I decided a couple of weeks ago not to take my OCD medication. It made it really hard for me to sleep even though I was taking it in the morning. I was enjoying all the sleep I was getting that all of a sudden I became aware that my compulsions were coming back. Lately, I have been taking only one pill even though I am supposed to take two. I just want to sleep. But I also don’t want obsessions and stupid compulsions.

Then, there are bright spots in my life that quickly get covered by the clouds. Someone thought they found an apartment for me since I cannot stand my current landlord. The apartment I want to move to does not allow pets and for me, that is not an option. I love my cats. They make my life worth living.

Another dark cloud came in the form of a letter from one of my students. I told my students that they could write to me during the summer and that I would send them a postcard. I got a letter this evening from a girl that I had already mailed a postcard to. I was going to send her another one but in her letter, she purposely asked for a different card. Even though she is only in fourth grade, I was disappointed in her rude behavior. I know that I should just be happy by the letter. But right now, it is staring at me, reminding me of its evil message as well as the demand on my time to write another letter when already I have too much on my plate.

Why does life have to be so difficult? I know that God does not give a person more than they can handle but what about the people that have mental disorders and are at risk for suicide? Life is already too difficult. Nothing more needs to be added to life.

Work Ethic

Based on what I have observed the last two days, it seems like there are people that have no work ethic. I can easily seeing them struggle to get a job in the future because of all the mistakes they have made. They are very obvious mistakes. Anyone that really wants a job would know that that kind of behavior is not appropriate. And this is the immediate future. We are forced to rely on people like the ones I am about to describe.

At the amusement park, only managers are allowed to have cell phones. The reason that is allowed is because sometimes managers need to have conversations with other managers without saying everything over the radio. Yesterday though, one of the managers told me that he had to stop another manager from playing Pokemon in the park while she was working.

Then, last night, an employee told me that they were fed up with management because another manager was playing Pokemon. Even though it goes against what I feel comfortable doing, I turned the two managers in to the supervisor. I did not care that they were also my friends.

Then, today at the park, we were short on employees so a different part of the amusement corporation brought a few employees to work rides. They have done this in the past and it usually goes ok. Today was a disaster though. At lunch time, two of the three employees went on break and never came back. It was obvious very early on that they did not want to be there but it was very wrong to not complete the shift. I learned that one of them will be fired tomorrow. I imagine they have done other things though that warrant being fired.

There are parts of every job that are not fun. But if you want a job, you have to be willing to do it all so that you can keep your job. For the one employee, it was the final straw. For the other one, I imagine that will go on his record which could make it difficult to get references for a future job.

There are so many people that want a job and then there are those that are so unappreciative.

Finding an Apartment

I realized several months ago that I could not stand my landlords. This came about when I asked them to fix the bedroom where the air vents don’t work. I also asked that time for them to look at the roof because during a heavy rainstorm, the roof leaked in multiple spots. I was getting upset at this time because they had been complaining that the heat bill was too high (my utilities are part of my rent). They were complaining because I ran my heat on emergency all winter because the heat bill was too high last year so they called someone to come look at it and he told me to run the heat on emergency all the time. Then, this year, my landlords didn’t bother to complain about the heat bill until winter was nearly over. They also could not tell me themselves. They made the guy who worked on the heat tell me. And he denies that he ever told me that I should run on emergency heat. They never fixed the roof or looked at the air vents. They also never took me seriously when I said that one of the windows leaks badly. There way of dealing with the situation was to raise my rent. They did tat right before I left to work at the amusement park. During the summer, I still pay full rent even though there are no utility bills.

After the raise in rent, I was extremely angry. They are taking advantage of me and there are few housing opportunities in the town where I live. Someone found me another person to call but the idea of moving quickly fell through after I told them I have cats.

I hate the town where I live. I spend a lot of money on my apartment and I get no service in return. They cannot respect me but yet I have no other choices.


I never had braces as a teenager. The dentist told my mom that I needed them but my family was very poor. The insurance company wouldn’t pay for them so I just had to live with my crooked teeth. Last spring though, I started looking more closely at my teeth and considering that maybe I should get braces. However, since I was going to be leaving to go work at the amusement park, I decided I would think about it in July. It is July and I am not sure what I should do. My teeth aren’t that bad. The teeth that could be considered fangs in vampires are really pushed up front. It bothers me when I laugh. I am constantly putting my fingers up near my lips and feeling them through my skin. I am twenty five though. I know some adults do get braces. I just don’t know what to do about this situation. 

A Broken World

As I look around at the world around me, I cannot help but look at the serious issues facing our world. People have no morals or values. Everything comes at someone else’s expense. People feel that they are always entitled to things no matter what the situation. It is really sad what our world has come to.

Obesity has become a huge problem in the United States. While some people have medical problems that cause weight gain, others choose to consume the calories and let the rest of the world deal with their problems. I watch numerous families come to the amusement park where I work and are unable to ride because of their weight. I had a woman come up and complain one time on a coaster and said that the employees were not pushing hard enough on her restraint. She was not willing to take responsibility for her problem. And for many, they will not try to do anything about their weight. And why should they? There are TV shows that profit from obesity. There is also so many temptations when it comes to food. And with convenience of some meals comes high calories.

The world also focuses on blaming others that are intent on profiting on their own mistakes. Take the woman that sued McDonalds because she put her coffee between her legs and it spilled. She sued and won because of the burns that she sustained. And I read in the news just recently that someone else was trying to do the same thing.

We live in a world that has no morals. The Bible is not the center of people’s lives. They choose to follow their own ways instead of what God has planned. In this case, I am talking about those that choose to have sex before marriage and end up having a child out of wedlock. Many of my former high school classmates are not married but many of them have children. I am definitely in the minority because I have chosen to wait until marriage (and I am not even sure I want to get married). There are so many problems though with children that are born out of wedlock. Look at all the daytime shows that feature children that have no idea who their real father is.

The center of many people’s world is their cell phones. I watch as people get ignored because they are so busy texting. It really upset me when my friends would do that to me. Obviously who they were texting were more important to me. After awhile, I just quit waiting for them because I was not a priority. I also see problems with cell phones at the amusement park. Children have to wait for their parents to finish with their phones before they can get on rides. People make a big fuss when they lose their cell phones on rides. Some teenagers don’t even get to experience the park because they text through the entire ride. One time, I even saw a teenager that found an empty outlet and was charging her phone while using it as rides were running around her.

We live in such a broken world because of people’s priorities and values. And I only discussed a few examples. I am open to comments about other problems in our world.

Theft at Walmart

I was at Walmart this morning when I saw something that shocked me. A guy nearby picked up an individual snack and opened it. Then, he began to eat it. The two other people in his group made a comment about how he should not do it while people were watching and that was really what alerted me that something was going on.

I really was not sure what I should do. I was the only one that witnessed the event. There were no employees in sight. I knew that even if I went to find one, it would be too late. Either the thief would be gone or the snack would be gone.

I know that the snack probably cost two dollars or less but that is not the point. What if we all stole snacks? I know Walmart makes a lot of money but it would eventually cost them (even if it was a small amount). The point is, stealing is wrong. He knew what he was doing wrong because not only was he a teen or adult, the people around him said not to do it. They did not stop him though, just like I did not stop him. I had no idea what to do in such a situation.

Representing Your Country

Yesterday at work, one of the employees called me over and said that there was an upset woman that wanted to talk to a manager. I went over to the woman and immediately she began by telling me that she was from Denmark. I honestly could not see how that related to a complaint and really did not care. But then she told me that her daughter was too short to ride a particular ride but that there was a boy that was the same height as her daughter currently on the ride. She said that would never happen in Denmark. That is not the first time that a parent has complained about another child. It is really stupid because usually the other child is slightly taller and that makes them eligible to ride. I told the woman I would talk to the ride operator even though it was too late to measure the child. Plus, I knew that this operator knew what he was doing. He would not have let the child on if he was too short. I pretended to discipline the operator while he proceeded to measure every kid that got on the ride.

That was not my last encounter with the woman though. Later, I was helping people get off the ride and she decided that her way was better than mine and was very rude when I asked her to follow my directions.

After that incident, I could not help but think how this woman was doing a poor job of representing her country. Obviously, she is going to go back and talk about how bad the United States is because she came to the amusement park determined to have a bad time. But when coming to a foreign country, I feel that you need to be open to new ideas and be willing to follow them. I know that not all people from Denmark are rude because I have family from Denmark but to some people, they will get a bad impression based on the behavior of this rude/know it all woman.