My Life is Complicated

Actually, I haven’t been doing very well lately.

-Quote I found on Google Images

I actually haven’t been doing that well lately. Last night, I was obsessing over an incident that happened earlier that night. I questioned whether I did the right thing. I had heard from someone that one of the managers was playing Pokemon Go at work so I turned them in. Even though I trusted the person, I regretted reporting the manager because I did not actually witness it myself. I texted my friend with the hope that she would make me feel better but she gave me a rather hurtful response. Afterwards, I think she realized what she had done because her next few messages were more encouraging. However, I found it difficult to sleep.

It was also a very stressful day at work today. It had nothing to do with my report on the manager even though that was addressed. We were short on employees and we were running every where. We were all tired and had to work past lunch time and then there was even more work for us to do. We were all excited when we got to leave.

To make work even more stressful, we are at the busiest time of the year. This is the time of the season when we get lots of guests, it is very hot, and the guests get very rude. We work until late and then are expected to repeat it all the next day. There is no time for us to really take a break and relax and recharge.

To add more to my situation, I decided a couple of weeks ago not to take my OCD medication. It made it really hard for me to sleep even though I was taking it in the morning. I was enjoying all the sleep I was getting that all of a sudden I became aware that my compulsions were coming back. Lately, I have been taking only one pill even though I am supposed to take two. I just want to sleep. But I also don’t want obsessions and stupid compulsions.

Then, there are bright spots in my life that quickly get covered by the clouds. Someone thought they found an apartment for me since I cannot stand my current landlord. The apartment I want to move to does not allow pets and for me, that is not an option. I love my cats. They make my life worth living.

Another dark cloud came in the form of a letter from one of my students. I told my students that they could write to me during the summer and that I would send them a postcard. I got a letter this evening from a girl that I had already mailed a postcard to. I was going to send her another one but in her letter, she purposely asked for a different card. Even though she is only in fourth grade, I was disappointed in her rude behavior. I know that I should just be happy by the letter. But right now, it is staring at me, reminding me of its evil message as well as the demand on my time to write another letter when already I have too much on my plate.

Why does life have to be so difficult? I know that God does not give a person more than they can handle but what about the people that have mental disorders and are at risk for suicide? Life is already too difficult. Nothing more needs to be added to life.


One thought on “My Life is Complicated

  1. Regarding the Pokemon Go thing, I think you did the right thing, even if you didn’t see it. Too many accidents are happening because of that game, and it’s probably a huge liability if amusement park employees are playing it.
    You’re right, God only gives us what we can handle. Mental illness included. You are strong, and God is giving you this stuff because He wants to work in you and grow you.

    Liked by 1 person

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