Failure at Life

I don’t seem to be doing very well at life any more. I got a total of three hours of sleep last night and that is with trying Melatonin like the doctor said. I even took another pill after I slept for two hours and could feel myself wide awake. This sleeping problem has got to stop otherwise I might accidentally take too much out of frustration. I called the doctor today so that I could let her know that I still was not sleeping but I never got a reply.

So obviously today I have had to take a lot of naps. Besides naps, I haven’t been mentally capable of doing much of anything. I got started folding the laundry but then it got overwhelming so I stopped. The dishes had not even been washed from yesterday. I started to vacuum but it got to be overwhelming. I always have a large list of things I want to accomplish on Saturdays. I don’t think there is one thing I can cross off my list.

At least there are still a few days left until school starts. That means I have a few days to feel better and also to get things accomplished.

I have also been extremely lonely again today. I talked to my friend a little bit last night on the phone and for a few minutes this afternoon but I cannot open up about how I am feeling. She has company and I don’t want to be a bother. Besides, she is probably getting tired of hearing about my problems. After all, my medication is working. I stay close by my phone though just in case someone cares enough to talk to me.

The only way I feel like dealing with life right now is by cutting. I know it is wrong. I haven’t cut since May but that is only because I managed to talk myself out of packing the scissors when I left to go work at the amusement park. Now that I am back, my scissors are calling my name.

I am just failing at life. I cannot even do the simple things like sleep. And I get overwhelmed by stupid things. Even though I hate to be touched, I think a hug would be nice.


3 thoughts on “Failure at Life

  1. I’m glad you talked to your friend. You’re not failing at life, you’re struggling and that’s okay. I’m wondering if there’s other things that might help you sleep. Sometimes, getting some exercise during the day will help people fall into a good sleeping pattern. Some people like a certain kind of tea (I can’t remember, maybe chamomile?). There’s something called “mindfulness meditation” that might also help. There are apps with meditations and guided imagery that might help you to fall asleep.
    And also, regarding the hug thing. I don’t know if you will find this helpful, but I hope it will and I mention it because I know you’re also Christian. The last time I cut, I felt so bad about it, I spent so much time in prayer hoping for some sort of peace. Something that helped me a lot, and I’m not sure how I came across this, was imagining Jesus was giving me a hug. I hope that’s not too weird of a suggestion.


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