I don’t seem to be doing very well at life any more. I got a total of three hours of sleep last night and that is with trying Melatonin like the doctor said. I even took another pill after I slept for two hours and could feel myself wide awake. This sleeping problem has got to stop otherwise I might accidentally take too much out of frustration. I called the doctor today so that I could let her know that I still was not sleeping but I never got a reply.
So obviously today I have had to take a lot of naps. Besides naps, I haven’t been mentally capable of doing much of anything. I got started folding the laundry but then it got overwhelming so I stopped. The dishes had not even been washed from yesterday. I started to vacuum but it got to be overwhelming. I always have a large list of things I want to accomplish on Saturdays. I don’t think there is one thing I can cross off my list.
At least there are still a few days left until school starts. That means I have a few days to feel better and also to get things accomplished.
I have also been extremely lonely again today. I talked to my friend a little bit last night on the phone and for a few minutes this afternoon but I cannot open up about how I am feeling. She has company and I don’t want to be a bother. Besides, she is probably getting tired of hearing about my problems. After all, my medication is working. I stay close by my phone though just in case someone cares enough to talk to me.
The only way I feel like dealing with life right now is by cutting. I know it is wrong. I haven’t cut since May but that is only because I managed to talk myself out of packing the scissors when I left to go work at the amusement park. Now that I am back, my scissors are calling my name.
I am just failing at life. I cannot even do the simple things like sleep. And I get overwhelmed by stupid things. Even though I hate to be touched, I think a hug would be nice.