Emergency Counseling

I haven’t been doing very well lately. I have mentioned this several times in my recent blogs. Today though, I guess it all just became too much. It was the first day of school and it did not go well. I have a challenging student and I am already at a loss about what to do. Anyway, my brain had had enough. After school, I seriously thought about maybe looking into counseling again even though I did not have a positive experience last spring. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I needed help. I cut the other day and I have had thoughts of suicide often even though I was too scared to act on them.

I got home and told myself that I would make an appointment at 4:30. It was actually a little after when I finally got the courage. I made some notes out and hesitantly dialed the number that I had some reason saved on my phone. I thought about hanging up but I didn’t.  First, the secretary asked why I wanted an appointment. I told her life was too hard. That was probably the wrong thing to say but it was true. The secretary asked if I was having thoughts of suicide and I reluctantly admitted that I was but I didn’t plan on acting on them. The secretary promised to get back to me in an hour to make an appointment. I honestly considered not answering the phone but I did.

The secretary asked if I could come in about forty five minutes. The idea shocked me because I was not even sure if I wanted to go through with this again. Plus, it is a thirty minute drive there. I guess God has been with me all day though and all week and knew what I needed.

I do feel better and have not cut today even though I so badly wanted to after school. Looks like I am back in counseling again (that sentence is neither sarcastic or joyful).

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8 thoughts on “Emergency Counseling

  1. I’m sorry that you’re going through this hard time and then get a difficult student on top of it all. I’m glad you reached out and call, and I know how difficult that was. It took strength to call, to be honest about the suicidal thoughts, and to go to the session. I’m really glad you feel better, and I hope this time counseling goes better.
    On a side note, sometimes it’s amazing to look back and see how God guides our steps. You calling, admitting the suicidal thoughts, and going to the session really reminds me of when I also made quick decisions, and looking back now I can clearly see God guiding me to something good. I hope and pray for the same for you.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. dear sis, Hope the counselling goes well. As I was thinking of you, this verse came to my mind: Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Hugs and love N.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hoping this experience with your new counselor will be a much more beneficial one. I feel very blessed and lucky that I got a good one first try – she came recommended by a very good friend.

    A good counselor can do wonders once we’ve had time to make a trusting relationship with them. Way to go, lady, for taking those brave steps and making that appointment! I know how difficult it can be to pick up a phone sometimes.

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    • Actually, I am still seeing the same counselor as before. I live in the middle of no where and have no options. However, I had to decide whether I wanted to live or hurt myself. As hard as it is right now, I am choosing life (and really hoping that I do not turn to self harm).

      Liked by 1 person

      • *Hugs* Even braver of you, then. 😦 If this counselor doesn’t work and doesn’t jive with you, are there any online-type counselors you might be able to look into?

        So sorry you are going through such a dark time right now. 😦

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