Tomorrow will be the start of a three day weekend. I should be excited and want to go to my parents’ house. And yet, I have no idea. I know that I will spend all three days alone if I do not go home. But after weeks of depression, followed recently by some good days, and completed with a really horrible day, I am just not sure if I am up to going home. If I go home, I will have to hide my emotions.
I know my family could possibly make me feel better. But then I have to deal with the pain of returning on Monday to a life of misery. Lots of people feel this pain after the weekend is over but my misery gets to last for an entire week.
My mom wants to celebrate my birthday since it was last week. Plus, I haven’t really seen my family much at all for the last year because of my mental problems. I was only home two nights this summer and they were months apart. I know they miss me but it is hard to be home when the world is falling apart around you.
Then, there is the four hour drive. I know that it shouldn’t matter how far the distance is but it is not fun driving in the middle of no where and having to pack a bunch of stuff for a short weekend.
I just don’t know what to do anymore. As much as I hated being a kid, going to high school, or attending college, my life definitely was simpler. I had fewer options and was not responsible for some decisions.