I was not sure I wanted to go back to counseling so when I received a call from the counseling office about a later appointment, I turned it down saying that I had something going on later that evening. I decided that I should probably continue though because for me, it is a choice of life or death. And with my uncertainty of careers, it is most likely going to be death. I called to make another appointment and learned that my counselor is in the hospital. I was given an appointment for next week though with the hope that she would be better soon.
I received a call from the counseling office today though. I was actually surprised when my phone was ringing. I was actually hoping that it was my friend calling because she left last Saturday to see her family and has been gone for the last several days. I have been rather lonely too. But I knew that I needed to answer the call even though it was not from my friend. That is when I was told that though my counselor was out of the hospital, she was not going to be able to return to work for several weeks.
I was told that I could see another counselor that apparently owns the office otherwise I could drive quite a ways to see someone else. I was hesitant at first. The secretary was not pushing me at all and said that I could have time to think about it. On one hand, this would be my ticket out of counseling. On the other hand, I knew that it was again a matter of life or death. Even though I have had a few good days, I know that I have no coping skills and will easily return to cutting and wishing that I was dead. I was not sure I really wanted to see another counselor but this will be my chance to compare and see if maybe there is hope for me in the middle of no where.
I am extremely nervous for this appointment. It is not for another week though.