Lately, I have been debating about whether teaching is what I really want to do with my life. I notice every day that students are constantly misbehaving for all teachers and they know there is nothing you can do about it. A lot of parents are not supportive either. They cannot even help their child have the proper supplies for school or their homework completed. This is only my third year of teaching and I cannot picture myself doing this any longer. However, I do not want to go back to school and I want a job that pays well so I can live. I am just not sure what I want to do with my life instead though.
With my first counselor, we talked a lot about how I hate this town and she and I talked about taking additional classes so that I would have the endorsement required by many schools in my own state (that is the problem with going to school out of state). I did the research and found a school that offered all the classes online and the application process was easy so I applied, got accepted, and was given a plan of study. Many of the classes I have already taken counted towards the endorsement. I was told I only had 11 credits left to take. Unfortunately, that is too many to take at once while working full time and when you suffer from severe anxiety.
Every day since I have last seen my counselor and applied to school, it has become more and more clearer to me that this is not my career field. And on Thursday when I saw my new counselor, I told her that. She and I talked about how I was exerting a lot of time and energy into a career that made me unhappy. Every day I wake up worried about going to work. When she put it that way, it is obvious that I need to get out.
There is one thing that is really making the whole situation crazier though. I applied to school too late in order to take classes this semester. But then the person assigned to be my advisor said I could start a class in October. I was told yesterday that I needed to call and get signed up. I do not want to waste time and money on a class that I do not need outside of teaching. But what if something changes and I have to stay in education longer? Should I take the class now?
I have no idea what I want to do or where I want to live. I am often praying to God, asking Him to give me advice about what my calling is. I am getting very impatient about waiting for an answer.
I know in some ways I will be disappointing a lot of people around me but they do not need to know yet. My parents will be angry and try to tell me what to do. My friends might either be glad for me or wonder why I would choose to leave teaching. I have a feeling the town and the rest of the school will be surprised too. I do not need to worry about they think though. This career change is all about me and what will make me happy. And I do not need to be thinking about certain details yet. I am still under contract to teach until May.