I have felt like people have been degrading me all day. I am right there and do not get any respect.
First, there was this morning when my friend asked the new teacher who her mentor was. Since there are only four elementary teachers, my friend guessed the one teacher that was not there. I felt kind of insulted because I knew what my friend was insinuating. She was suggesting that somebody wasn’t doing their job. I am doing the best that I can. We have been in school for nearly two months though and she knows what she is doing. And when new things come up or she has questions, she feels comfortable talking with me.
Then, I was put down again this afternoon. It has been homecoming week. I never enjoyed homecoming week when I was in high school because my school went overboard. Here, since there are so few students, the elementary is expected to get involved. And that means making a parade float. I have never gone to much work and this year was no exception. It is always very windy here and today promised to be extra breezy. It is hard to get posters and things taped down. That is all I had my class do though were a few posters. I was gone for three days last week though for a mandatory conference and then there was no school on Tuesday. I had no time to do anything elaborate even if I had wanted to. But what made me feel bad was when my friend pointed out another class that had only done a few posters as well.
Finally, one of my students that I have had a very difficult time teaching is going to be homeschooled. He has been talking about it all week. But his parents have never said anything to me personally until today. She gave a reason for having the student homeschooled but I still could not help but feel that she thought I was a bad teacher. I know that is not true because she has another student in a different class. Still, the lack of contact until today with the official acknowledgement makes me feel like I am not a good teacher.
I just couldn’t take all the disrespect. I took control in my own way. And my own way was self injury. I managed to convince myself that I didn’t need to cut last night. And I thought about how I should not hurt myself right before I did it. I was just looking for another type of pain instead of the emotional pain I was experiencing most of the day.