Maybe I Need Time to Think

The other day at counseling, I told my counselor that I was having problems with pulling my hair. She did not know that I had trich since I have only been seeing her for a short time since my last counselor got sick. I have tried dealing with trich on my own. I wear spinner rings, I carry stuff in my pocket to play with, I sometimes wear bandaids. But it is hard to stop something that you are not always aware that you are doing. When I notice I am pulling, I do stop. But my hands are like magnets and are attracted to my eyebrows. No sooner will I have noticed that I am pulling and put my hands down only to find them back on my face.

I currently think of myself as a pirate since I only have one eyebrow. I guess it is my way to making the situation a little bit better. It is not like I enjoy missing my eyebrow though. Especially when I know that I am going to slowly lose the other one.

I was hoping that the counselor would have some suggestions. Basically, she told me it was not noticeable (my friend has said the same thing) but that does not mean I still need to be walking around like this. Then, she told me that basically I have an addiction to pulling my hair and that I just need to find a way to distract myself.

What she said kind of hurt. I have never looked at my hair pulling as an addiction! How can I try to stop something that I am only semi-aware of doing? I am trying but I do not always have success. Shortly after telling her about my trich, she caught me pulling and I did not even realize it. That is what is so frustrating. People that do not have trich do not understand that you cannot just stop. If I could, I would not be pulling.

Since my appointment on Thursday, I have really been thinking about whether I should take a week off just to process what has happened on my own and do some reevaluating about whether I should continue with counseling. After all, we really did not have anything to talk about. However, it still bugs me that I am letting her opinion get to me. Like I said, you cannot truly understand trich unless you have it yourself. I just want to forgive her and move on.


3 thoughts on “Maybe I Need Time to Think

  1. Hang in there. I struggle with Trich/eyebrow pulling too. It is a mortifying thing sometimes, and yes, it is so very hard to catch.

    The thing with addiction, or hair pulling, or whatever unconscious traits similar – is that they give us something. They relieve an anxiety, or soothe, or provide release/satisfaction etc. Even though the repercussions might be negative. I don’t think she was trying to judge you, but to point out that the difficulties in treating/addressing that are similar to what addiction might be.

    For me, I’ve been working on a few things.

    Short-term, in the moment help:
    1) Distraction
    2) “Fidgets” things that keep my fingers busy and away from my face, etc.

    1) I’m trying to determine when it happens, and learn to notice it more when it does. What am I feeling? What am I doing?
    2) The best way to address the symptoms, is to identify the underlying causes that bring out these behaviors. Which, for me, is dealing with my PTSD and Anxiety.


    Liked by 1 person

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