My counseling appointment on Thursday was a complete waste of time. So on the drive back home, I did some of my own thinking. I thought about something my friend had told me last week and how irritated I was about it. It got me thinking about our friendship and how maybe there are somethings that I can do about it.
My friend suggested that my students do something for the Veteran’s Day program. I was kind of irritated because I already had enough on my plate as it was. My life has just been hectic lately. I only managed to accomplish several things and then people (like the school) feel the need to give me even more work than what I had originally started with. The last thing I wanted to do was add something voluntarily and was something I had not wanted to do in the first place.
I had been dwelling on what she suggested for a couple of days and it was on my way home that I realized that this was a toxic part of our friendship, at least for me. My friend is a very take-charge kind of person. However, I am the complete opposite. Sometimes, I really appreciate her suggestions. After all, she has been teaching much longer than me and can offer advice. But sometimes her advice feels to me like bossiness and is not something that really works with me. I have always felt obligated to do it or to at least tell her I would think about it even though I had no true intentions of doing it. I was so worried about pleasing her though because she is one of my few friends.
I have decided that I am done being controlled by her. If I do not like her suggestions, than I am not going to give them a second thought. And that is why I am not going to deal with the Veteran’s Day program right now. I am the one that knows what is going on in my life and how much I can currently handle. And I am the one that actually has to carry through with things in my own life and in my classroom, not her. And if that means displeasing her so that we are no longer friends, than maybe we were not meant to be friends.