Not Good Enough

I just nearly cut myself. If I had had my scissors at home, it probably would have happened. Even though not having scissors will not stop me, it did make me consider what I would use as an alternative. And then, I was so intent on dealing with my problems that I never did actually do it. There are no guarantees because I am still extremely angry but I have at least calmed down enough to think about my actions.

I do not think I have been that angry in a long time. I do not think I have ever stood up for myself like that either. I have been working for various freelance companies and have really enjoyed it. I wrote 18 articles for one company though and have yet to be paid. I have sent several emails and finally got an answer today.

Despite me sending in my first article for approval and being encouraged several times to write time-sensitive articles, nothing I wrote was good enough and I was going to be paid nothing. I received this email while I was in school and actually started crying. Good thing I did not have any students at the time.

I do not understand how someone can encourage you to keep writing and actually beg you to write more and then have everything rejected. I stayed up late and woke up early to complete some that were urgent. I was under a lot of stress that week because two of my other companies asked me to write and I had a bunch of things going on. And yet, I managed to do it all.

It is not that I really care about the money (however, I do want to give it to the church). I put a ton of time into my writing and was getting positive and encouraging feedback and then got turned down. It just did not make sense so I totally flipped out on the person in charge. She did reply and she asked me to rewrite one of my articles. I am impatiently waiting for her reply. I guess I will just put everything in God’s hands and let Him lead me through this horrible situation.

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