Trying to Live

For so long, my parents sheltered me and it did more harm than good. I did not get to go out with friends in high school. I was confined to the house most days after school and on weekends. My life consisted of homework.

As a result, my parents taught me how to fear life. So when the time came to actually leave the house and live, I was afraid of doing simple things such as driving. I guess at some point, it no longer mattered. I became depressed for so long and life became a matter of survival, not actually living.

I am getting better and have made significant progress over the last several months. It is now time to live, not survive. At times though, it feels like my mom is trying to hold me back.

I went on a zoo sleepover in November. When I was telling my mom about it, I got a huge lecture about the weather for no reason. However, I also detected a hint of jealousy. I am planning on doing another zoo trip in March so I invited my mom. I got the snow lecture again so I guess I will plan on going alone.

Today, I invited her to take a trip to a large city because it has always been on my bucket list to go to Build a Bear Workshop and build a bear. Normally, when my family goes to the city for shopping, we do not go to this city. Instead, we got to a much smaller city. My mom refused to go with me because she did not want to drive in the city. I was driving though. I ended up going with one of my brothers.

I hate how my mom is trying to stop me from living. Life revolves around me though. Anxiety may hold me back at times, but no one else is going to do so.

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2 thoughts on “Trying to Live

  1. I can relate to a lot of this. There’s likely a reason for your mom lecturing you. Maybe she was lectured when she was younger? Maybe that’s how she expresses care? Maybe she’s jealous? Maybe she’s projecting her fears? There could be a lot at play. I am glad that you trust yourself to live the way you want.

    Liked by 1 person

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