I Hate Teaching

I have been so depressed the last few weeks. I know what is causing it too. I hate my job. I decided to give up teaching last spring but for some reason went and got another job in teaching because nobody wanted to see me give up on something that I am good at. But I am so unhappy and have no idea how I am supposed to make it through the next several months until my contract ends. That is not until May and that feels like an eternity. Am I really expected to be miserable the next several months?


I Haven’t Cut

I haven’t been feeling very well the last several days. I have been really depressed and have not accomplished much of anything. My chair has become my base and all the chores have been neglected.

I have cried quite a few tears too. I hate my life. I hate my job and I see nothing positive about my life. I have no friends and nothing to really live for except for my cats.

On the plus side, I have not cut at all during this rough time. I certainly have wanted to but I want to earn my 30-day chip at the recovery meeting in two weeks and cutting is not going to get me that chip.

Instead, one day I drew butterflies on my wrist. It is part of the butterfly project. You draw butterflies instead of cutting and then you name them. If they naturally wash off, then the butterfly lives. Shannon and Libby have washed off and survived and Judy is still slightly there.

Difficult Parent

This is my fourth year of teaching and have never encountered a truly difficult parent until a few weeks ago. This parent has increased my anxiety and led me to cut a couple of times. One really bad night, I even thought about ending it all because I felt like a failure as a teacher and at life.

This parent first contacted me about her student after he received two low scores on assignments in two different classes. I saw no reason to be concerned about the student but I emailed the parent back.

The next thing I know, I am called to the principal’s office because of this parent because she still won’t drop the two low assignments. This was after midterms came out (and the student in question was doing just fine). The parent emailed the principal with all of these concerns and the principal wanted me to help reassure the parent that everything was fine.

That was not enough though because the parent requested a meeting. She wanted the meeting to be the next day which did not work. Then, without even a meeting, the student comes to school and says that he is being transferred to the other private school in town and that it was his last day.

I know I should be relieved that I no longer have to deal with this situation. A part of me still feels really guilty even though I know that I was just doing my job. I lost the school a student. But as my counselor told me, this mom wanted me to cheat for her son.


Beyond the Castle

Beyond the Castle: A Guide to Discovering Your Happily Ever After is by Jody Jean Dryer, a thirty-year Disney veteran that had twenty-two jobs in the time she worked at Disney World. In the book, she shares her experiences and memories of working at the happiest place on Earth in addition to giving many life lessons. Jody Jean Dryer, who served as Disney World ambassador for a year (a highly prestigious position) is able to talk about name tags, being stuck in the elevator, and dancing in the Disney World parade while incorporating life lessons to live by every day. Her stories of behind the scenes at Disney World are truly interesting.

I highly recommend this book to all Disney lovers. Not only do we get inside information about Disney as readers, we also get lessons that we can take away from these experiences such as working as a team, being a princess, and approaching life with speedbumps and roadblocks.

I received this book free from Book Look Bloggers. All ideas are my own.

Church Recovery Group

The other night, I went to a church recovery group. I have been feeling depressed and dealing with my OCD compulsions as well as engaging in cutting and I just had had enough. My new counselor in this town had mentioned the group so I decided to give it a try.

I have never been to an AA meeting but I have a feeling that this meeting was based on the AA format. We began by listening to the testimony of one of the members and then we broke off into male and female groups where we all shared our struggles and then we talked.

Some of the people were addicts and some people were struggling with sin. I found it interesting that people struggling with what I consider minor sin would come. But in God’s eyes, all sin is equal.

Even though I did not talk, I left a changed person. We were given a chip to celebrate our recovery. And I am going to try very hard not to cut again so that I can get the next chip.

Called to the Principal’s Office

I got called into the principal’s office today because she received a long-winded email from a concerned parent. The parent has contacted me a couple of times concerned about her son’s grades. There is nothing to be concerned about though and she should know it. Midterms went home last week and the student had A’s and B’s. He has gotten a few low scores but nothing to be concerned over because everyone has those days. He has also improved in his behavior since the last email I sent home.

The principal is on my side because she knows that this parent is a teacher and is concerned over nothing. However, she called me in so that we could write an email to the parent together.

I really need to cry after all this though. I also need to cut. I just need a way to feel like I am in charge of my classroom and not some parent.