My Brother’s Wedding

My younger brother got married yesterday and it brought out a lot of feelings of jealousy that I don’t understand. I shouldn’t care that my younger brother got married. He is happy and I am not but that is┬ánot the point. I am lonely but I want friends, not a husband. I am not looking to ever get married.

One thing that made me jealous is that I was not part of the wedding. All of my brothers got to be groomsmen. Even the bride’s brother got to be a groomsman. But all the bridesmaids were the bride’s friends. And even though I have social anxiety and don’t like spending time with other people necessarily, however, I still was envious of all the fun and connections that I could not be a part of.

Next, I was jealous of all the attention that my brother was getting. There were pictures and congratulations and all his friends were there. I don’t know why I was jealous about getting attention because I hate getting attention most of the time. I like being ignored.

Also, I was jealous of the presents my brother was getting. And the thing is, things for the kitchen and the rest of the house are not gifts to be jealous about. I have most of what I need for my kitchen because of my grandma and her death.

I don’t understand these feelings and I definitely do not like them. However, I do not understand where they are coming from.